Sometimes I craft my replies in Notepad. I craft them there because there is no send button. I don’t do well with temptation and love the removal of the urge to hit send. The momentary rush of fuck you in one simple button. That’s all it is – momentary. I can break your heart three sentences, shatter your reality in two, but I abstain.
Rather than use my words as weapons, I use them as a Band-Aid. They soothe my own soul. I know things that you don’t, things I choose not to share, things I have locked away inside. Not everything needs to be shared, explained, or replied to. Sometimes there is value in letting you vent, feel powerful, and moving forward. You’re fucking welcome.
So, instead of a crafted reply to for you, I open Notepad and remind myself that I am bigger than that. I pour my heart out, rage, vent, explain myself, and then ultimately close it, only to reopen and delete it when your words sting less, when I’m stronger and a minute wiser.