When my job gets hard, I try to find the beauty in it.
When she was struggling with reality, I helped her connect back into it.
I asked her what her name was.
She told me.
I asked, a few times, if she was feeling confused.
She agreed that perhaps she was - a little.
She was trapped in her mind, reliving an awful day.
Trapped, she called me for help.
It scares me to think that should I lose my mind, I might get trapped inside my worst day.
So, I asked her about the happy days.
I asked her about him, the one she was missing -the love of her life.
I asked her how long they had been married.
Through the phone I sensed her confusion ease; it eased ever so slightly.
Her shoulders must have dropped. And, I like to believe, that a smile crept on her face as she pulled herself from the darkness of that horrid day, and into the good ones.
I needed to fill some time as I watched the ambulance’s GPS tick, tick, tick along my computer screen, and towards her residence.
Next, I asked her what the secret was.
“What was your secret to such a long marriage?
The dementia lifted and she shared her secret with me, the voice on the other end;
“We would watch TV together.”
I’ve taken the last few days to process the simplicity of her answer;
“We would watch TV together.”
The idea of micro-dates has stayed with me the last few days as I have processed her answer.
It’s so simple and beautiful.
The imagery of this woman, a face I can’t see but a voice I won’t forget, and her husband, long gone, sitting together on the couch sharing time, space, and entertainment brings me comfort.
She had the secret and the secret is simple: don’t stop the micro-mini dates.
Life is expensive.
Kids are expensive.
Dating can get expensive - but it doesn’t have to.
Strip it all the way back; time together doesn’t cost a thing.
Watch TV together; let her drape her leg ever so gently over yours while you sit together and watch.
When she requests that you not binge watch the next few episodes while she’s at work listen to her. She may not truly see or stress the importance, but it is important that you wait for her.
Wait until she’s home, has washed her face, put on her sweats, popped the popcorn, and made herself a cup of tea.
Wait for her to plunk down next to you.
Wait for it because it will all be worth it.
Fifty-five years of marriage will be worth it.
She’s worth it.
Never stop micro-dating her; that’s the secret.