I’ll never forget your kindness the night that you kidnapped me. I’ll never forget your sweet face in that small car, smiling at your own brilliance. I willingly got in, checking out the backseat.We drove until neither of us were aware of our location. They can’t find us if we don’t even know where we are, right?

Rewind the story, love.

I cried to you on the phone that day. I had tried to express to others how this year felt so different but it fell on deaf ears. Your ears heard everything I said and knew everything that I needed. I was confused, angered and exhausted. You knew it all - you felt it all. You devised a plan for me.

Rewind the story, love.

I’d been here 8 times prior - you had too. Yet, I’d never felt so fucking angry that I was here again. Why are we here again? How many more times do we need to do this, love? Forever, you respond. Forever. Our small frames were not built for this kind of anger. For 8 years our small frames pushed this anger deep, it was bound to happen.

Rewind the story, love.

I met you and fell instantly in love with how your handled yourself. Here! - here is a woman that I can adore. Here is a woman who understands this new me; this new me that I don’t even understand yet. Here is a safe place to drop my mask. Here is a forever friend.

And then you kidnapped me.

Fast forward, my love.

You took me into the dark, you car loaded with supplies. The rain was pouring and the only light was your cigarette and the headlights. The rattle of the bat on my hands with the first smashed plate hurt. They stung but FUCK! it felt great. I smashed about five before I gave you a turn. There we stood, two bereaved mothers, in the rain, smashing plates and old computers. All that anger had somewhere to go, finally. After nine years without our girls, all that anger was released. We moved from crying to laughter as we proceeded to destroy plate after plate, screen after screen. I tossed you a plate high, “everything happens for a reason,” I said as you took a swing.

Fast forward, my love, way way forward.

I am here for you, as you are for me, forever.

Apparently, forever is how many times we will have to do this and I could never do any of this without you.