I sat motionless beside the moving water and embraced the moment; stillness among such rage.  I sat this way, silent and unmoving, while a foot ahead, the river raged on. 

A breeze, in absence of any wind, on my exposed neck sent shivers down my spine.  I felt open to the world around me – happily on the receiving end of whatever is intended for me. 

I smiled, stood, and shook the earth that clung to my legs.  It felt like the right time to move.

As I walked along the water’s edge, I consciously opened myself to the sounds around me. Some of them, I imagined, were carried along the river, meant just for my ears.  They vibrated through me, bringing with them a focus I craved.

I made a sharp turn to climb up the embankment. Sweating now, the sun beat on my back and my legs burned from the incline.  To my left, I spotted a cavernous area that I’d never noticed before.

I stood at the cave’s entrance; my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I scanned the inside. It was empty and cold and didn’t feel like somewhere I want to spend any more time.

‘Hello,’ I said sweetly into the darkness. 

No answer.

“What? No answer?’ I shouted.

Once again, no response. 

As I turned to leave the echo finally reached me, but I had committed to leaving the darkness. My eyes squinted and adjusted to the beautiful sunshine that hit my face.  That echo can forever live in the darkness; some messages were never intended to be received, the delay too great.

The sun, and my resolve to move forward, towards it, added a little kick to my step.  I made quick work of the rest of the hill and before I knew it, I was on the other side. My legs moved faster and faster underneath me as I descended, so as to avoid falling.  I could feel my heart under the outer layers pounding, both from fear of falling and the exertion of the climb. 

In the final stretch, a melody crept into my ear. I hummed along to its song - it’s an oldie, but a goodie.  The lyrics came to me, piece by piece, like a puzzle I had been trying to solve.  The song filled my head for the remainder of my walk home and when I cross the threshold I was in full song,  

‘And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine, yeah
The closer I am to fine, yeah’

Three children ran to me, their singing, smiling, refreshed mama.  May they always remember me walking in the door this way – smiling and in song – arms outstretched for them.

Their little hands reached for mine; they pulled me further inside and as they did, they filled me in on everything that I had missed - stories saved just for me. The silence and stillness of the river, gone, replaced by the chaos of three littles talking over one another, excited that I am home.  

I got the message;  I felt it in a breeze, vibrations along the water, in a delayed echo, the rhythm of my heart, and in the deafening love of my three children. Every question that I had is answered with one simple truth – I don’t need answers.  I don’t need anything; not from you. 

And, with one walk, I am closer to fine.